Featured as a DD on 23rd March, 2013.7th draft-- comments and critique welcome
We had a lovely critique circle at the literary agency today where I sat around with two of the other assistants and we exchanged our manuscripts' first chapters. We talked about our stories and really had a wonderful day overall, and I got some amazing edits on this chapter from my co-workers! I definitely think the first paragraph is much smoother than it was before (since I never really liked it) and I think it's gotten much more polished now. I'm still open for feedback, since I need more to keep growing, but I do thank my co-workers immensely for helping me out.
After some speculation and getting some other opinions on the idea, I've decided to combine Chapters 1 and 2 and make them both Chapter 1. They had been essentially two sides to the same coin anyway and I feel like it flows smoother this way rather than as separate pieces. However, this will mean that when Chapter 3 is posted (the NEW chapter), it will go in place of where Chapter 2 is. So, if you're waiting for that, be sure to watch for an update on Chapter 2's slot. Thanks for your patience!
My editor at Little Brown & Co. finally got around to doing some edits on the opening chapter to make things sound a tad better. I can't thank her enough for the great job she did! We're currently working on expanding the end of this chapter a little more so that Daniel's view of the study can be seen, and I'll end up updating again once it gets included in here. After that, she'll run some more edits on it and hopefully get it to its final polished form for now. As always, feedback is appreciated!
A huge thank-you to my lovely girlfriend for helping me with the edits on this
I promised that I would be getting around to posting them soon, and here they are! My apologies again for making everyone wait, since I know a lot of you have been waiting for a few months for Fiction
to be updated. I'm hoping that this is the start of other chapters to be posted soon. I'll be sending this chapter off to Miss Finkelstein at Little Brown & Co. again to edit this tonight, and I'll probably be updating this again with her edits once I get that done. Again, I thank everyone for their patience and I hope you enjoy the new version of the opening chapter!
Added a little more to this chapter like I had planned to. I'm much more pleased with it now that it's not just a shell of what it should have been. I'd really appreciate your comments/critique!
Original Author's Comments:
I finally got around to posting up one of the many versions of the opening chapter to Fiction
! I still am not certain if this is the version that I'm going to go with in the end (I'm still debating where exactly I want the story to start), but this is the one that I chose to go with for NaNoWriMo this year. I've got a lot of editing to do on it once this month's over, I know that for certain, but I'd at least prefer some feedback on how it is for an opening for now (and if it flows well with the "Prologue"
that I had posted to the novel a few months ago). Like I said, there are many different opening scenes I had written for this story, but this is the one so far that most people have told me to go with.
For those who are interested, here is Fiction
's blurb: Daniel Blackburn is a young writer living in London, England in the mid-1800s. Suffering from Tuberculosis, he finds himself growing weaker and no longer able to write his stories, especially when he slips into an opium-induced coma. What Daniel doesn't realize, however, is that when he wakes up, he's in the world from his dreams. Here, he is reunited with Helena, his lover who once upon a time had lost her life-- the very life Daniel tried to preserve in his writing. As Daniel spends more time in his fantasy world, he begins to discover that he's falling even more in love with Helena, and his sickness is starting to fade away. Things go well at first in this beautiful paradise he had created, until Daniel starts realising that there's something dark about his fictional world, and it will stop at nothing to prevent him from returning home to reality. Looking for more of Fiction?
Click here for the Prologue
Click here for Chapter 2Fiction
© Dorian J. Harper